


Sacrifice

by SociopathicHeart



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-02-26 04:43:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2638520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SociopathicHeart/pseuds/SociopathicHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel's crush, Dean is finally noticing him. But dean is afraid to be openly bi. He might lose everything if he did. What will dean sacrifice  for love?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The first, baby step.

Dean Winchester felt like the happiest guy alive, or at least he appeared to be. He had everything and everyone he ever needed. The popular, beautiful cheerleader Lisa Braeden as his girlfriend and all the popular crowd at school for his service because of his wealthy family. Castiel knew he had no hope with him because Dean was as straight as a pole. Not that Cas showed his preferences to anyone, even not to his family. He never had a girlfriend though, and thought that may look suspicious. Not that girls didn't try but they had a chance with him as much as he had a chance with Dean.

Cas sighed as he closed his math text book and turned on the tv screen to catch the latest episode of his favorite show, Unnatural. Unnatural was a show about life, death, resurrection, redemption and most important of all, family.  
Not only was Cas a nerd, but he was also a devoted geek. That made him feel comfortable about himself, unlike most nerds or geeks who feel like being who they are is something to be ashamed of. He wasn't and didn't want to be popular and sociable like Dean Winchester was.  
''I can't seem to get him out of my mind,'' muttered Cas angrily to the empty room. 

On the other side of town, Lisa Braeden was trying to catch the attention of her boyfriend but to no avail. He was absorbed in his stupid tv show, Unnatural. Lisa thought Dean was too geeky for his own good; he didn't look like that when they first met. He seemed like the easy, outgoing person but when they got together she discovered he was a locked box, full of secrets and mysteries. Secrets like he was one of the most clever people she met, but he failed in most of his subjects just to irritate his parents who thought everything and everyone could be bought with money.  
Lisa tried to talk to Dean again, '' Dean. Dean! look at me, for God's sake!''  
''Yes babe?'' Dean finally answered, not bothering to remove his eyes from the screen.  
''You really are the biggest geek ever, do you know that?''  
Dean shook his head, '' That would be Castiel. They say he's one hell of a geek, always watching tv shows or reading books. That's pretty awesome, don't you think?''  
'' Uh.. no! Castiel? You mean, gay Cas? Ew, Dean.'' Anger surged through Dean's veins for reasons he didn't want to acknowledge.  
Castiel Novak was with him in high school and in two of his classes, chemistry and english. He was a dorky guy with a shock of black hair and his eyes were blue. Not the ordinary sky blue, or the colour of the paint flaking off of the old shed in the back of the field, or even the little flowers that spring up by the side of the road. His eyes were blue like the sea, crystal clear blue- shimmering and crashing and churning. Looking into his eyes you could hear the waves falling against the shore, see the foam flying into the air. His eyes were blue like the sky right before the sun disappears- dark rich indigo, with specks of wild colours here and there. His eyes were blue like that warm wool sweater that you put on when the air gets that chill- comfortable, warm, familiar. His eyes were that kind of blue. They always seemed to pierce into Dean's whenever he looked at him, which Dean noticed was a lot.  
Dean rarely talked to him and sometimes he wished he could get to know him better but Cas was rumored to be queer so Dean couldn't acquaintance himself with him or rumors may spring on him too and he couldn't have that. Dean Winchester, son of the prestigious John Winchester, gay? That would be scandal!  
Dean couldn't deny his interest in Cas but he always tried to push these thoughts away. He had a perfect life, didn't he?  
''Dean!'' Lisa's screeching voice snapped him from his thoughts and back to the bitter reality. He often got lost in daydreams and Lisa was beginning to notice, which was not good. He was torn between staying forever hidden in that dark cupboard under the stairs or he could be happy by doing what he wanted to do. He was very hesitant about what he was about to do next but he did it anyway. It was the first baby step.

Cas had studied really hard for his math test and was getting his calculator from his locker but when he turned he bumped into a familiar figure--Dean Winchester.  
Cas felt the blush bloom on his cheeks like roses. ''Sorry,'' he muttered and tried to get away from the looming but handsome guy. But he noticed that Dean was not moving. He turned his ocean blue eyes up to meet Dean's green eyes.The kind of green that pushed its way through the piles of gritty snow to remind you that spring was coming. The kind of green that budded on the prisoners of winter, bringing life back to their branches. That churning, passionate green that the ocean turns during a storm. That colour of the forest after it rains. The color of the tadpoles making ripples in the pond. That green colour that brings hope and life no matter what has happened. And looking into those eyes, Cas felt the blush spread even more on his face and neck. Dean interrupted Cas's gazing into his eyes by smiling, '' Castiel, isn't it?''  
Cas silently nodded, still embarrassed about how he just reacted. He couldn't be blamed though, Dean Winchester never even looked at him, and now he was talking to him?  
Surely he just needed to borrow Cas's notes or homework, as he rarely did. Dean didn't seem the type of guy who cared about his college applications, his parents could get him into any college he likes.  
''Listen man, I need your help in studying chemistry. My parents are threatening to take away Baby if I don't succeed in the upcoming test in two weeks.'' Dean blurted all that really fast as if he was anxious to get rid of the words. Cas was deflated as soon as Dean said 'baby', surely referring to Lisa. No wonder Dean decided to study for this one... He wondered why his parent's suddenly wanted him to study, he guessed they were sick of their son getting everything he wants on a plate of gold.

Cas shouldn't have felt hurt by Dean calling Lisa that, after all Lisa was perfect, and most important, she was a she.  
But he couldn't resist spending a few days with Dean's company. So he replied dryly,''Yeah, I'll help, wouldn't want you to stay away from your girlfriend.''  
A confused look was shown on Dean's face but then he smiled that flirtatious smile of his,'' I did not mean Lisa. I meant my Chevrolet 67 Impala, her name's baby.''  
Castiel looked at Dean sheepishly and tried not to laugh but then Dean cracked up and they both laughed out loud. Few people in the hall turned to look at them. Cas cleared his throat, trying to act formal-he didn't even know Dean. '' I have a math exam to catch, talk to me later?''  
Dean nodded and as Cas was turning away, Dean was calling him again. Flustered, Cas turned to him again, aware of the clock ticking on his math test. Then Dean took Cas's hand and scribbled his phone number on Cas's palm. Electricity surged through Cas's veins as Dean touched him. He thought this feeling was just used in the books, a good image no more. But it was real, Oh God, it was so real, it seemed like Dean's touch burned like sizzling fire. Judging by the look of surprise on Dean's face, it looked like he felt it too.  
Gruffly, Dean said,'' now we can talk later. Call me.''  
Cas didn't know how he managed to escape from the hall and from Dean. His hand still burned from Dean's touch as he retraced the place where Dean's fingers touched him over and over again. Long story short, he failed his math test. Damn you, Dean Winchester.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean felt so stupid as he watched Cas walk away, he didn't know what came upon him which lead him to actually ask for Cas's help when he barely talked to the guy during the three years they had already spend in highschool. But when he talked to him, he felt more comfortable than he ever did when talking with Lisa who always seemed to judge him with her eyes, always looking for something to criticize. Just like his parents. He knew why his parents actually like her, she was just like them, just a younger version. Perfect and shallow, she would fit right in the Winchester family.  
Dean was getting good with lying, especially because he was usually lying about his sexual orientation. Was there a bigger lie? He was sure Castiel can tell anything to his parents, he didn't seem like the kind of guy who hides stuff. He was clearly a nerd and he clearly had no interest in girls, though Dean never actually saw him with a guy or anything.  
Dean noticed the way Cas stared into his eyes, like he was reading his mind and leaving an imprint on his soul. His mind which was thinking of nothing but Castiel's eyes, he felt like the entire hall disappeared, they were the only two left in the universe. Truly alone; in a good way.  
Dean couldn't deny the electric charge he felt when he touched his arm. He never felt like this before, and no, it wasn't love at first sight or anything, but its like his body finally found where it belonged. And it wasn't in Lisa's arms. He was almost sure Cas felt in too, by the way he flinched. But maybe he flinched out of disgust, not the burn. A feeling of dread settled in Dean's guts and he tried to push these thoughts away. But what he couldn't push was the anticipation and excitement to see Cas outside of school. A smile took place on his face for the rest of the day.  
A few hours later, Lisa was over at his house again complaining about how unfair her life is because her fake tan isn't lasting too long. Dean was staring at his phone, wondering when Cas's gonna call.

'' Uhh.. Dean? Why are you staring at your phone like that?'' Lisa asked, filing her nails.  
''Why do you think I'm staring at my phone Lis?'' He retorted, irritated at how stupid his girlfriend can be sometimes. Lisa glared at him and picked up a bright red nail polish. Dean thought about leaving, right there, and going to Cas's. He knew for a fact that Cas wasn't the most popular guy in the world and so he wouldn't mind the company. But he already gave him his phone number, if he wanted to call him, he would've.

Cas was trying to control his anxiety over calling Dean. He still had the number on his hand, bright and shiny, just like Dean's eyes. He tried to snap out of it, the whole crush thing was getting out of hand. It was a battlefield; a fight between his stupid, gullible heart that wanted to believe and hope and his objective brain which told his heart to shut the fuck up.  
He really couldn't wait to see those green emeralds again, maybe they'd actually meet today and start?  
He finally took out his phone and dialed the number with shaky hands. It was busy. Of course it was. He was probably talking with Lisa right now or one of his friends. He had many of those. Cas felt so dumb, Dean would've forgot all about their study session and it probably won't even happen. Bummed out, he put on the rerun of Unnatural to try and forget his disappointment.  
Meanwhile, Dean was dialing Hannah Metreyt's number, she was one of Cas's study partners, he often saw them exchanging notes. He had taken the number from Lisa's contacts as she had the number of almost every girl in the school.  
After a few seconds, Hannah answered, ''Hello?''  
Dean, who have never actually talked to her before, was anxious, '' Um.. Hey. It's Dean Winchester.''  
'' Yeah, I know who it is. Almost everyone has your number.''  
Confused, Dean asked, '' How do they have it?''  
'' From your pal Crowley of course.'' Hannah answered, she sounded anxious herself.  
Of course Crowley had to do that, Dean thought, annoyed. He had some real loyal friends huh?!  
'' So, Dean. What's up?''  
'' Well, I just wanted to take Castiel's Novak number if you have it?'' Dean was silently praying she did. It was embarrassing enough to go asking around for someone's number to invite yourself over.  
'' Yeah, I do. I'll send it over as a text right now.''  
'' Thanks, Hannah, I owe you one.''  
'' Don't mention it,'' she said cheerfully then added silently, so quietly Dean almost didn't catch it, '' Cas's gonna be thrilled.' Hannah didn't sound so thrilled herself though.  
She was probably one of the girls pinning over Cas's good looks and personality.  
After they hung up, she sent him Castiel's number. Bingo!

Dean called Cas almost immediately but his number was busy. What Dean didn't know about Cas was that Hannah was indeed one of his good friends but not just that, she was his cousin, the only cousin who knew he was gay. So when Dean hung up with Hannah, she called Cas.  
''You wouldn't believe who called me right now! Gosh you're gonna flip!''  
''Who?'' Cas asked dully, uninterested.  
'' Dean Freakin' Winchester!''  
''Holly crap, Hannah? what did he want?''  
'' He wanted you, you idiot,'' Hannah sounded giddy.  
''Me?'' Cas asked, heart almost stopping.  
''Yeah well your phone number, same thing right?!'' That's why his phone was busy, he was calling Hannah to get his number!  
'' Why'd he call you then?''  
Cas and Hannah never mentioned to anyone they were cousins, it was better for her popularity status and for her not being questioned by other girls if Cas's single. They had a mutual agreement, but somehow Dean noticed Hannah's small exchanges with Cas.  
'Does he really notice me that much?' thought Cas, his heart winning over again.  
'' I dunno, guess he sees us talking sometimes,'' Hannah replied.  
'' Okay, Hannah. I owe you big time. I need to hang up now.''


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too cheesy xD

Cas hung up the phone and tried to erase the smile off his face. He decided to wait for Dean's call, but it didn't come. He wanted to call him but what if Lisa answered? But they were only schedueling a study session not a makeout session. But Dean had his number now, so he would call when he was free right?  
He was still negotiating with himself when the door bell rang. It was probably someone to pick up a homework, like they usually did. He went downstairs, annoyed but also relieved for the distraction. He opened the door... And there stood Dean Winchester.

"Hey," Dean smiled sheepishly, " I got really bored waiting for you to call, so I got your number from Hannah but you didn't answer. I hope you aren't busy?"  
" Nah, come on in." Cas answered, anxious yet giddy with happiness. Dean Winchester was in his house!  
Cas opened the door widely for Dean to enter and he stepped in. He looked around the small yet cozy living room and smiled to himself. It looked much more comfortable than his stupidly big mansion.  
" Are your parents home?" Dean felt weird asking that, it seemed like he wanted Cas's parent's not to be home. But Cas was very quite and he was starting to feel awkward.  
Cas shook his head.  
" Not much of a talker are you?" Dean commented, trying desperately to get Cas to talk something, anything.  
"I just never know what to say," Cas replied, looking to the floor, feeling very self-conscious. Dean surprised him by nodding, " That happens to me too, buddy." Dean didn't look the kind of guy who could be rendered speechless or feel nervous while having a normal conversation. He always seemed so composed and outgoing. Dean noticed the surprise on Cas's face, " I sometimes just say words that hold no meaning and it annoys the heck out of my girlfriend, she says I don't really concentrate with her or give her the attention she deserves. I mean why the hell am I telling you this? See, thats how I utter meaningless sentences." Dean blabbered, starting to feel anxious himself. But Cas smiled. Dean didn't disappoint him by being like he truly was. Cas was glad they had something in common, even if it's not their sexuality.

"So, where do you want to study?" Cas asked, trying to change the subject. But as soon as he said it, he knew it looked like he was implying something and that made him feel even more anxious.  
Dean managed to surprise Cas once again as he casually answered," Your room's fine."  
But that wasn't fine for Cas, because his room was the definition of lame; full of books and tv show posters of the actors from Unnatural. When Cas had study budies over, he never actually invited them to his room. The rumors of him being queer were large enough already.

But he nodded in agreement, he couldn't say no to him, and it wasn't as if Dean cared for what his room looked like. They went up the stairs to his room and Cas slowly opened the door, dreading Dean's reaction which shocked him. Dean's beautiful gems widened when he went inside and looked around. His mouth popped open in surprise, and he turned to Cas with a smile he had never seen him wearing before. The smile of a fanboy. " Unnatural? You watch Unnatural? Are you serious? Oh my God!" Dean exclaimed.  
"Yeah..." Cas muttered, wondering if Dean's reaction was just sarcastic and that he was gonna tell his friends about the loser who spends his free time watching shows and studying. He lowered his eyes to the floor, where a perfect Devil's Trap was drawn there in red spray. Dean followed Cas's eyes and almost squealed in delight, " You are the first person I know who watches this show! And damn, that devil's trap is awesome. Planning to catch demons, angel?"  
Cas couldn't believe what he was hearing, Dean had actually called him an angel. He felt the blush spread across his pale cheeks.  
" It's okay to be a geek sometimes, not that you look like one or anything," Cas stuttered. Shit. He was real smooth huh?  
Dean brushed it off, obviously flattered, " You don't look like one either." He looked straight into those blue eyes, and felt lost in them, like a wrecked ship in the ocean.

Cas broke off the eye contact and got his chemistry text book and guide. They setteled themselves on Cas's bed and studied chemical equations and problems for a few hours. Dean was a very fast learner and Cas didn't see why he asked for his help in the first place.

Cas was a pretty good teacher and Dean didn't really need the help. He didn't want to admit to himself why he asked Cas for help in the first place. Deep down he knew the answer, he really was attracted to a guy. A dorky blue-eyed guy. But if he came clean with himself, and the world, his whole life would change, no one would look at him the same again. Especially not his family who wanted him to be perfect in all ways. He wasn't ready for that. Not yet.  
It was his turn to aviod Castiel's eyes through the whole session, he couldn't resist those ice-blue diamonds and was afraid he'd give in if he did.

Cas seemed to be doing the same, both avoiding each other's eyes then looking at each other when one turns away. It was like being twelve all over again.  
Dean's phone suddenly started ringing, the theme song of Unnatural. Cas smiled and Dean smiled back, not really embarresed at his obsession with the show. He usually was, infront of his friends and Lisa.

Speak of the devil, Lisa was the one calling, he had forgotten all about her and he didn't even tell her where he was going. Deciding he didn't want to answer, he left the phone ringing, ' Carry on my wayward son' chiming.  
When he looked at Cas, he found him arching one perfect eyebrow at him, " Trouble in paradise?" He asked. He apparantly saw who was calling, they were sitting really close to be able to solve and read on the same books thats all.

Dean shook his head, " It ain't paradise, trust me, buddy."  
Cas's forehead creased, " You two always seem to be so happy and comfortable together, and Lisa is great." Cas didn't really think Lisa was great, but he couldn't insult someone's girlfriend and they weren't even friends yet. But he didn't dislike Lisa because of her being Dean's girlfriend. She was such a bully, and she seemed very shallow, with her orange tan and fake blond hair.  
It was Dean's turn to raise his eyebrow, " I don't know about that. I mean, yeah she's okay but I think I'm the problem." He sounded really upset Cas wanted to hug him.  
" Are you not happy, Dean?' Cas's voice was so intense, Dean had to raise his eyes to his. They once again were able to look past all the clothes and flesh and bone and reach to his soul. Somehow, they had a connection, and no it wasn't love at first sight, as Dean didn't believe in such things, but Cas was able to understand him more than the people who knew him since he was a child.  
"Yeah.. Yeah, I guess I'm not happy," Dean admitted, looking away. Of course he wasn't happy, he was hiding his true self from everyone, not being able to be with someone he likes, having to create exuses and lies to see that person. He lived in a prestigious society and a prestigious highschool where being popular and rich where more important than being yourself.

"Are you interested in someone else then?" Cas asked, heart pounding loudly in his chest.  
"I think there may be someone else, but that may never happen if I wasn't brave enough to admit it. And I don't even know why I'm telling you this, we only just met."  
"I have that face," Cas joked.  
Dean looked seriously in his eyes, " Yes, yes you do."

Cas felt the blush creep into his cheeks, and steal his logical thoughts like a thief. He tried to get back to studying but couldn't concentrate. He never imagined sitting with Dean Winchester, on his bed, talking about Dean's love life. The ringing of Dean's cell snapped him out of his thoughts. Dean sighed and closed the book, " I'm so sorry, I really need to leave or Lisa would declare me missing."  
Cas managed a smile, " We'll complete later, if you want to. "  
"Sure," Dean got off the bed and turned towards the door.  
"And Dean?"  
He turned back, " Yes?"  
" Do what makes you happy okay? That's what matters most."  
Dean nodded, his thoughts carrying him far away. Cas really did understand him. The difference between them was that Cas did too what made him happy and wasn't ashamed of it.  
Cas walked Dean to the front door, and watched as Dean got in his fantastic Impala and drove away. Cas closed the door and leaned on it like a lovestruck girl.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that the romance is building up slowly, I want it to be realistic.

The next day at school, Dean kept trying to catch a glimpse of Cas, but Lisa kept nagging at him, interrogating him because of last night. She wasn't there when he returned, she had probably got bored and left. Dean had made her look as if she worried about him infront of Cas, just to look less pathetic and gullible. Staying with Lisa was like an unspoken rule, in the family and at school. They most popular guy and girl had to be a couple. Stupid rules. He was glad she wasn't there though, as soon as he reached his room, he saw his cheeks flushed and his eyes wild, he's never been so excited before.  
Cas's words were still stuck in his head, he adviced him to be happy, to do what makes him happy, and Dean was trying to, trying to leave his whole life behind, his family, everything he was familiar with, for the sake of happiness. But he did deserve to be loved, didn't he?  
Dean was anxious all day, distracted in all of his classes, waiting for 5th period which was chemistry. He has never been so eager to go to a class before.

He arrived early and saw that Cas was already there, his eyes revising notes as he waited for Mrs Harvelle. Dean felt himself smile, Cas was such a nerd.  
Dean walked towards Cas and sat right beside him. Cas jumped, startled, then he noticed Dean just sitting there, smiling at him.  
"Hey," he whispered, suddenly shy.  
"Hi," Dean replied, still smiling.  
"Do you need anything, Dean?" Cas wasn't used on people just sitting beside him without wanting something.  
"Nope. May I sit here or is there someone else...?" Dean blurted out, nervous. People did usually sit beside Cas but Dean had thought they wanted his help with studying or homework.  
Cas shook his head, lowering his eyes even more, trying to avoid Dean's gaze. Dean felt self-consciousness, what was wrong with Cas? He seemed outgoing enough yesterday, once Dean got him to talk. But they were alone yesterday, it didn't seem like Cas was a very sociable person, no wonder he couldn't act normal in Dean's presence. Dean felt the class go quite, he looked at the front of the class but the teacher hasn't yet arrived, then he glanced around, everyone was staring at them in this gossip-y weird way, whispering. Hasn't they ever seen two guys talk before? Stupid highschool kids, so immature. Dean guessed it was because of all the rumors that Cas is queer and all that. But so what?

Talking to a gay person wouldn't magically transfer it to him.  
Mrs Harvelle came in and the whispering stopped.  
Dean couldn't take his eyes off Cas during the lessons. Who cared about chemistry anyway? All he cared about was the chemical formation of the being sitting beside him. He was so pretty, it was as if his soul shone from the inside out, he had that calmness and serenity that even wise men didn't have. Random smiles were exchanged between the two, Dean stopped caring about the class looking. The door to freedom was wide open, he just needed to step through. It was time he took another step towards his freedom.  
But it seemed that freedom had to wait, as Mrs Harvelle kept frowning at them the entire period, but they were too busy to notice her dissatisfaction. So after the bell finally rang, Dean and Cas got up together and had started to leave the class when she called them back, "Boys, may I have a word please?" her voice impatient.  
Dean and Cas shared a worried glance, but that glance carried micheviousness too. They turned back to Mrs Harvelle who was tapping her fingers on the desk, clearly angry.

" Did you boys ever read the class rules?" She had glued a list of strict rules at the beginning of the year and was really harsh to those who disobyed them.  
Dean and Cas exchanged another look and nodded simultaneously.  
"Then why were you two sitting next to each other?"  
" Exuse me?" Dean burst out while Cas had tilted his head in confusion.  
" Couples are not allowed to sit next to each other, Mr Winchester." Mrs Harvelle fumed.  
Dean's heart almost stopped beating. What the fuck?! He was so screwed. He tried to hide his smile, he didn't want to see Cas's reaction as he was sure he would be horrified.  
He recovered first, " We're sorry we gave you the wrong idea, Miss Harvelle. We aren't together."  
"Who do you think you're lying to, Castiel?"  
"He's not. I'm not gay, ma'm. We're not together, I was just asking for his help in the subject." Dean came to his defense.

Mrs Harvelle didn't look a bit convinced, but she nodded.  
"Alright then, you may go, but don't you go swimming in each others eyes in my class again, you got that?"  
Dean and Castiel nodded and hurried out of the class, as soon as they were out of earshot, Dean started chuckling.  
Cas was too embarrassed, he knew Dean was laughing because of how silly and unbelievable them being together is. He lowered his head in shame.  
Dean immediately noticed that and stopped, " Hey man, I wasn't laughing at you, you know that right?"  
Cas nodded again, hesitantly, "What were you laughing about then?"  
"How stupid Mrs Harvelle is. Like, if we really were together, we wouldn't be so obvious about it, don't you think?" Dean seemed at ease saying so, as if he had no problem at all with them actually being together.  
Cas was immensely relieved, "Sure, man."  
But Dean wasn't at all at ease, in fact, he was more humiliated than he has ever in his entire life, this is the first time someone has assumed him queer. He just pretended to be cool about it, act as if the whole thing is a joke, laughed forcefully. He couldn't stay in the same building where he could see Mrs Harvelle anytime, or Cas that is. He left Cas at his History class and exited the building, feeling very claustrophobic. He had only one place, only one person he could go to. His older sister, Charlie. She was his best friend ever since he was born, the ideal sister but not the ideal daughter.

She lived with her girlfriend in a small house and they even had an adopted boy named Aaron. His homophobic parents had two gay as hell kids, the irony.  
Charlie was exiled from the family, she was the family's black sheep, their parents kicked her out once they found her making out with Anya, and Dean has not been allowed to see her or talk to her ever since. They even tracked his car, they knew everywhere he went, so he could never use the car to go visit, and he did visit in secret. His parents made him feel like he was living in a cage, a cage whose walls closed in further and further everytime he took a breath, tried to come out, and have the freedom he deserved.  
The weather was awful today, Dean felt the cold air smack him in the face as soon as he went outside, it was not raining yet, but dark clouds warned of what was to come.

He stuffed his hands in his jacket's pockets and begins walking. Charlie's house was not far away from Castiel's, infact it was only a couple of blocks away, which is how he knew where Cas lived in the first place. When he reached Charlie's house, rain has already started falling, small freezing drops. Charlie's house was a small one indeed, it wasn't like their parents have let her have anything, they had just thrown her out. She was twenty then, Dean was only thirteen. He remembered all the fighting, all the screaming that took place, he remembered clutching Charlie so she wouldn't go, so she wouldn't leave him forever with these people who never cared about him.  
Dean snapped out of his thoughts when the front door opened and Charlie came out, holding an umberalla, she had apparently seen him from the window, "Dean? what on earth are you doing here? don't you have school?" She saw the look on Dean's face and a concerned expression settled on her beautiful face, " What's wrong honey? come on in."  
Charlie's house was so cozy even though it wasn't much, but it was HOME. Not just a big mansion that felt like a cage.  
Dean and Charlie went in and settled on the couch, Dean tried to avoid looking at Charlie, "How's Aaron?" he casually asked.  
"Aaron's fine, he's asleep. Now, stop avoiding the subject and tell me what's going on?"  
He finally lifted his eyes and looked into her blue ones. She didn't resemble him much, she had her mother's blue eyes and dark red hair.  
"It's Cas." Dean muttered. He had already told his sister all about his stupid crush on Castiel and she had been excited for him, thinking he had finally decided to come out.

"Yes? Go on."  
Dean poured his heart out and told his sister everything, including their study session and Mrs Harvelle's accusations. Charlie was wide eyed the whole time, listening attentively. When Dean finished, he looked at her for a reaction. She was smiling, " Dean, I'm very proud of you for taking a step forward. I know how hard it is for you to admit to yourself that you like him and I don't blame you for that, I blame those shitheads who call themselves our parents."  
Dean threw his hands in the air from frustration, "I don't know why I'm feeling like this, Charlie. It's like a middle school crush that won't go away," he said gloomly. "So it's just a crush? you aren't falling for him?" Charlie teased, trying to see her brother's reaction. Blushing, Dean shook his head and lowered his eyes, "it's just a crush. I barely know the guy but we have so much in common exept that he doesn't hide behind a popular crowd and a cheerleader. He doesn't really care about what anyone thinks and even though he might seem a bit awkward and shy, inside he's much braver than I am." Dean thought about Cas's blue eyes once again and felt himself drifting into daydreams once again. Charlie cleared her throat loudly, "Earth to Dean... Judging by how you talk about him, it looks more than a crush to me." "Look, I don't even know if he's interested in me, or in boys for that matter. After all the rumors of him being gay may just be rumors, so what the hell should I do?" Charlie had a sympathatic look on her face, "You said you have a lot in common. Try to get closer to him, make it obvious you're interested and if he isn't, I'm sure he won't go blabbing about it, he seems like a good guy." Dean abruptly stood up, cauing the small coffee table to sway, "Wait a minute, just stop right there. You misunderstood me, I don't wanna get closer to him. I have Lisa remember? I'm not going to cheat on her. I never decided to come out in the first place." "You can break up with Lisa and you and Cas could keep your relationship a secret, for a while. Maybe he'll encourage you to come out." Dean backed away even further, shaking his head, "No.. no, I can't. I'm so torn here, I don't know what to do and you're making it worse by suggesting this." His tone changed to anger and frustration, he was sick of all this. Charlie was loosing her temper too, "The thing you fear the most is the one that will make you happiest. Don't you understand, Dean? You are wasting your happiness for the sake of society and our parents. Look at me, I did what I feared most and now I'm happier than I have ever been." Dean lost it, "Happy being alone all day while your girlfriend works? Happy living in a house smaller than your old room? You want me to do the same? Thanks but no thanks, sis." Dean felt guilty as soon as he said these words as he knew they would hurt Charlie deeply. "Well, Dean. You're right, it is only a crush, being in love would make you forget all about money and houses." Charlie had tears welled up in her eyes as she watched her brother make his way to the door, who was feeling more miserable than ever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!!  
> The title is lame I know.  
> This is my first fanfic ever.


End file.
